I haven’t been doing a lot with my life
It is fair to say i dont feel motivated in anyway
For so long, i like to push myself to the edge on a lot of things
I used to tell myself” i work better under pressure”
But now, i know it is a bad copy mechanism about what is actually going on
I lashed out on a failed project th other day
I was so angry and i cant think rationaly and fail to find a better communication method to deal with this matter
I only realize it later and it didn’t fix anything important
These days, i lash out becasue i have been holding onto this emotion of anger for so long
It almost like i have to get it out ,otherwise, i cant breath
Maybe, i just quite tired of ppl saying i am a nice person and i got hurt becase of the concept of “niceness”
Or it is just the obvious symptoms of Bioplar
Or as simple as by saying i am a fucking human
Anyway, this is kinda way for me to let go of toxic “friends” in my life
Surprisly, it works wonderfully
I stopped talking to ppl will trigger my mood swings and i think it is the right thing to do
People come and go
I do my bits and i cant control other ppl’s action and emotion towards me
If they really want to stay with me or stand by me then i dont have to force this process to happen
It will happen no matter what i do or say or how i show them i need them
I guess i just had enough of hoping someone stay for me truly
So i will start again it is fine
Cheerios
Erina
DreameR_in Disguise 